04 February 2011

My Road to Hell

     If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, then I'm the proud owner of a multi-laned highway!

     I, like many people, have all these grand plans which are all in various states of completeness.  Heck I have an entire notebook dedicated just to some of my ideas!  But reality always seems to get in the way.  It is totally frustrating that at times I can't seem to get things finished.  And if it is frustrating to me, I can only imagine how hair-pulling it is to PFF (and he married me anyway - sucker!!!)  Yes, I know that I can set goals and work towards them in order to get something accomplished - why do you think I have the dang notebook!?!  But the realities of being a home schooling mom of two children, one with special needs, and the wife of an FSO tend to trump some of my grand plans.  I knew they would and I still encouraged PFF in his pursuit of the FS and decided to home school (ok so who's the sucker???), but that doesn't make me feel better when I view yet another unfinished project as a failure.

     There is a voice in the back of my mind.  Sometimes it is a loud voice and sometimes just a whisper, but the message is always the same - patience Lauren.  Patience.  The rational me knows that in time some of my plans will reach completion and some of them just won't.  That the pursuit of the idea is part of the fun. That my kids will be on their own sooner than I want to acknowledge.  Then there is the completely irrational, sometimes petulant, side of me that wants to do what I want to do when I want to do it!  Hey, I deserve it right?  I've worked hard.  I've paid my dues!  Whine!  Whine!  Whine!  Me! Me! Me!

    And then I laugh at just how ridiculous I sound!  I would (and do) laugh at Princess and The Boy whenever they act like that!   As I tell my kids, "suck it up and deal with it!"  At my age I know better and the rational side wins out again.  I have, to a degree, accepted my multi-lane highway and know that I'll be in good company on my journey.  Hey that gives me an idea!  If there will be others on the road to Hell with me, I should set up a toll-booth or something!  Where's my notebook?


  1. Glad it isn't just me! I was about to write a new list when I saw your post :)

  2. I love your opening line! Hang in there and prioritize/simplify. The beauty of what you have undertaken is the flexibility of your day. Just keep tweaking and keep aiming high. That is something else that you are teaching your kids, along with the school agenda. What an awesome teacher and mom!