Lesson #1 - Start your day with a bra
|Norwegian Viking without all the facial hair|
Lesson #2 - Make sure your zipper in good working order BEFORE you leave the house
When in Iceland, my husband and I were invited to the Norway Day celebration hosted by the Norwegian Ambassador and her husband. We had a sitter, were dressed up and planning on a grown up night after the celebration. I had on the perfect LBD which fit me to a tee, new black pumps, and all the accessories! We arrive on time, check our coats, and are standing in the receiving line when the person behind me tapped me on the shoulder. Lucky for me, it was a friend with the most embarrassing news. My zipper had unzippered from the bottom up! The only thing holding my dress together was the zipper at the top tooth! Yikes! My friend was gracious enough to walk - directly - behind me to the ladies' room and she tried to fix the dress. She was able to get the zipper closed, but it required removing the dress. Once I was redressed, I kept my back to the wall the entire time! I made my husband walk - directly - behind me when we left. The dress stayed together until I lifted my arm to put my coat on! Then the zipper let loose and thankfully there was a hook-and-eye at the top, but at least at that point I was well covered!
Lesson #3 - When wearing elastic wasted pants, make sure the elastic is still stretchy
This was a lesson I learned when I was in 5th grade, but I was sufficiently humiliated to learn the lesson quickly! I had this fabulous purple pant suit that I loved, loved, loved. Yes it was the 70s, so purple pant suits were all the rage! Well any way, I was standing in the hallway outside my classroom reaching up, just so, to put something on the shelf above my coat, when...bam! - the waistband on my pants let go and they ended up on the floor around my ankles! Just as the classes were letting out and the kids were streaming into the hall, there I was (thankfully I learned the Always Wear Clean Underwear lesson earlier) in all my cotton Carters glory! Yes, for the rest of the year I was that girl...
Lesson #4 - White bathing suits, even when lined, are not for swimming
White + Water = All loss of Modesty! Enough said!
Lesson #5 - Always wear underpants
This goes hand-in-hand with Always Wear Clean Underpants. And while it is a lesson I've always followed, this is a perfect of example of why! My now mother-in-law was always asking me if I wanted to try on her wedding dress for when I got married. This was before I was engaged to her son, so I always politely demurred. Within 24 hours of getting engaged, however, she was not to be deterred and I had the dress on! She did allow me the privacy of leaving the room while I got into the dress, but as soon as I opened the door in she came. All of a sudden the back of the dress comes up and over my head! There I am with my butt in my soon to be mother-in-law's face as she is trying to tell/show me how to tie the bustle! As I'm dying from embarrassment, all I can think is Thank God I am wearing full coverage granny panties, and that I hadn't eaten anything that disagreed with me. My now husband couldn't understand the reason for the squawking. When he came into the room he just thought it was hilarious! And I still married him! In her wedding dress. Yes, with appropriate under garments.