I'll look back on these past couple of months and laugh. At the same time, I'm sure one day, when they have their own families, Princess and The Boy will look back and realize the sacrifices I've made to stay home with them and to home school them. That day is not today though! No, I don't regret the choices I've made in the best interest of my kids and my family. Sometimes I just regret that my skin is not a little bit thicker...
I understand, on an intellectual level, that moving thousands of miles away from our family, our friends and the only home they've ever known was difficult for them. I also understand that taking them out of public school and teaching them at home created a gap with their friends. But I am human. I may be "just a mother", but I'm not without feelings. I understand that Princess and The Boy say and do what they say and do because they are comfortable in the knowledge that they are loved by me. Sometimes I just wish they were a little less sure and held back on some of the really hurtful comments. Yes, yes. I know this is part of parenting and that the looming years of puberty will probably pale in comparison, but that doesn't make it any easier. And quite frankly "an intellectual level" has no place in parenting! Really! "Intellectual level" and kids? I must be mad!
One thing the past few months have made me realize is that I have to honestly apologize to my mother for the hateful comments I can remember hurling at her through the slammed door. I should also apologize for the hurtful comments I don't remember making, but I'm sure she does. Mom, I am really, truly sorry.
Why is it that people view women who have children as "moms", but the human element of the person is some how lost? It's not like I can bifurcate myself. I may be a little (?) bit crazy, but I'm not Sybil. At what point do we as daughters and sons start seeing our parents as humans and not just Mom and Dad? I'm not sure when it happened for me or if it has completely. I can't wait for the day Princess and The Boy reach that point. Until that day, or at least until puberty passes, these tears of a clown will have to suffice.